20 August 2006

Pawsted by Mosilager

Cesar Millan for President

I think Cesar Millan aka the dog whisperer should stand for the next Presidential elections. He has a vision for the people of America. Like the dogs of America, the people need Excercise, discipline and then and only then affection in the form of a pat on the head. They also need a firm leader because there are only 2 positions in the mind of the American public, either a follower or a leader. Cesar, after honing his leadership capabilities for years on people who have dogs will now try to lead people who don't have dogs. Here are some of his thoughts on the issues affecting the USA...

Medicare - everyone knows that medical care in the USA is expensive and that it will be broke in a few years leading to old people not being able to buy medicines at a price they can afford. Cesar's solution is simple - excercise and discipline... get a dog, walk it every day for 45 minutes and once you get old, there will be no reason for medical care. One day while bending over to scoop the poop of your dog, you will die... but you will die healthy and happy.

War on terror - Cesar will eliminate terror within 6 months of taking office. The terrorists are frustrated because of a lack of excercise and discipline. They need at least 45 minutes of walking every day and calm, assertive leadership which Cesar will provide. They will not be allowed any affection until they are calm and submissive. Exceptional cases will take a vacation at the dog psychology center in Los Angeles where they will be thrown in with a mix of pit bulls, rottweilers and dobermen that have killed animals and people in the past. This therapy has reformed even worse offenders within a few minutes.

Illegal immigration - Cesar will eliminate this problem 2 days after taking office. The answer is open borders with Mexico until their economy rivals the US's, or until global warming causes an ice age and US citizens have to move to Mexico just because it wasn't affected by the arctic freeze.

Education - Cesar will ensure that everyone learns the mantra of success - excercise, affection, and then discipline. They will also learn to be calm and assertive pack leaders. "No dog left behind" will be the new educational policy, as well as "a leash for every student."

Abortion - There are too many people on this planet. We can learn something from dogs here again, vasectomies and hysterectomies will be actively encouraged. This will eliminate the need for abortion.

Since Americans have proven themselves unable to find a decent president for the past 6 years, let an ex-Mexican run the show. Hey, a guy who whispers to dogs can't be worse than a guy who claims to talk to God.

(Sponsored by the committee to elect Cesar Millan to the Presidency of the USA ok ok this consists of 1 member, namely myself, and I can't even vote, but hey... somebody has to get the ball rolling. I would have nominated Russell Peters but he's Canadian.)

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17 comments:

Vi said...

You forgot gay marriages,

Mosilager said...

That's right I did... ok will think up a platform for Cesar on that issue... thanks for reminding me.

Mosilager said...

well i tried vi but couldn't think of anything funny... since cesar has featured gay couples on his show before I think he's probably pro. So he would probably suggest that people who have enough time to restrict the rights of others need more affection and excercise. So 2 hours daily walk for them and 30 minutes spent massaging their dog(s). That should leave them with very little time to worry about who is marrying whom.

LaKisha said...

Cesar Millan is the bomb. And clearly, EDA is the cure for EVERYTHING. Even U.S. politics.

Mosilager said...

For those people who show up wondering if Cesar Millan is gay - I don't think he is because he has a wife, and according to his TV show he worked very hard at keeping his relationship going due to cultural differences between his Mexican upbringing and his wife's US upbringing.

Anonymous said...

Cesar and his wife have an open marriage. She sees other guys, and HE sees guys as well. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Mosilager said...

err... anon... if true or false... what relevance does that have to anything ? they're adults and can do whatever they want as long as they're not breaking any laws.

Anonymous said...

not gay because he is married?...hmm...well, u can still be an alcoholic , but not be CURRENTLY drinking

Mosilager said...

anon... it's just my opinion that if he was gay it would have been easy to give up on the marriage and get out of it when they had trouble. he chose not to do that. but again, does it really make an iota of a difference to anybody else?

Anonymous said...

OMG this is too funny, I happen to work on The Dog Whisperer and this totally made my day. To set the record straight Cesar and Ilusion do not have an open marriage and Cesar is very not gay (not that it matters anyway). You only have to talk to him for five minutes to know that lol.

Mark-in-Denver said...

All I have to say is, "Ceaser, if you are gay or bi -- I think you're handsome and I love your smile. I would truly enjoy meeting you." Mark.

"PS - My mother loves your show as well and she thinks that you would make a great son-in-law"

Anonymous said...

lol I agree that he's handsome. very handsome indeed O_O

from a 23 yr old girl

Frank, just a guy from Montreal said...

Cesar you are adorable! Just wanna hug you!

Anil 25 London said...

Cesar is the MAN!!! Love him lots.

Scott Spiegel said...

According to Wikipedia:

"Millan lives in Santa Clarita with his husband, Jose Rodriguez Morales Gonzalez Wilson Millan, and their sons, Andre (b. 1995) and Calvin (b. 2001). Millan's son, Andre, has a dog named Apollo as featured on an episode of The Dog Whisperer."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesar_Millan#Personal_life

Anonymous said...

I should really vote for Cesar to be a president. And I would like him even more if he's gay. I wouldn't be surprise on it, as I've always been attracted to gay men. (I'm a hetero woman, I must say), and this man makes me go crazy. I'm some type of cat whisperer, as I have more than 100 cats, and don't have the same feeling with dogs; but watching this man magnetizing dogs only with a hand movement or a look, takes my hottest fantasies out.
I'm writing from Spain and here the series is called "El encantador de perros". I add Cesar is "el encantador de perros.... y de perras! Porque a mi me tiene loca!!!"

Anonymous said...

To Scott spiegel,
What a pure lie...
From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesar_Millan

He married Ilusión Wilson Millan in 1994, with whom he had two sons, Andre (b. 1995) and Calvin (b. 2001). In June, 2010, Millan announced his divorce.[14] Ilusión Millan filed for divorce, seeking primary physical custody of the kids with visitation for Cesar, as well as spousal support.[15]