Cesar Millan for President

I think Cesar Millan aka the dog whisperer should stand for the next Presidential elections. He has a vision for the people of America. Like the dogs of America, the people need Excercise, discipline and then and only then affection in the form of a pat on the head. They also need a firm leader because there are only 2 positions in the mind of the American public, either a follower or a leader. Cesar, after honing his leadership capabilities for years on people who have dogs will now try to lead people who don't have dogs. Here are some of his thoughts on the issues affecting the USA...

Medicare - everyone knows that medical care in the USA is expensive and that it will be broke in a few years leading to old people not being able to buy medicines at a price they can afford. Cesar's solution is simple - excercise and discipline... get a dog, walk it every day for 45 minutes and once you get old, there will be no reason for medical care. One day while bending over to scoop the poop of your dog, you will die... but you will die healthy and happy.

War on terror - Cesar will eliminate terror within 6 months of taking office. The terrorists are frustrated because of a lack of excercise and discipline. They need at least 45 minutes of walking every day and calm, assertive leadership which Cesar will provide. They will not be allowed any affection until they are calm and submissive. Exceptional cases will take a vacation at the dog psychology center in Los Angeles where they will be thrown in with a mix of pit bulls, rottweilers and dobermen that have killed animals and people in the past. This therapy has reformed even worse offenders within a few minutes.

Illegal immigration - Cesar will eliminate this problem 2 days after taking office. The answer is open borders with Mexico until their economy rivals the US's, or until global warming causes an ice age and US citizens have to move to Mexico just because it wasn't affected by the arctic freeze.

Education - Cesar will ensure that everyone learns the mantra of success - excercise, affection, and then discipline. They will also learn to be calm and assertive pack leaders. "No dog left behind" will be the new educational policy, as well as "a leash for every student."

Abortion - There are too many people on this planet. We can learn something from dogs here again, vasectomies and hysterectomies will be actively encouraged. This will eliminate the need for abortion.

Since Americans have proven themselves unable to find a decent president for the past 6 years, let an ex-Mexican run the show. Hey, a guy who whispers to dogs can't be worse than a guy who claims to talk to God.

(Sponsored by the committee to elect Cesar Millan to the Presidency of the USA ok ok this consists of 1 member, namely myself, and I can't even vote, but hey... somebody has to get the ball rolling. I would have nominated Russell Peters but he's Canadian.)

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